He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm too high and old for this...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
