My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my shit smells like andre
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
