Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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