Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
false alarm. still invincible.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
