dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
