I accidentally had phone sex last night
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
