My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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