Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize