I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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