he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
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