i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
