I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
