i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
