Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
