Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
