Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
