Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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