I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
