hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
