She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize