Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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