is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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