I want to make a zoo with you.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
