Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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