You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
