woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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