Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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