I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
