Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Pooping to opera.
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