not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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