one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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