You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
