It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize