youre lurking in front of me
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
