I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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