At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
