Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
