Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
