If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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