but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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