i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
