Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
