Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
