i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
