You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
