I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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