so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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