Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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