Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
