fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
