Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
