my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
