i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
A+ Viking dick
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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