If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
