i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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