Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
