what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize