whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
