Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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