Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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