miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
