Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
