you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
