In the future we'll all be gay
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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