Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
