He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
