i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
