she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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