i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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