i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
