I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
