Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
