i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
