i don't plan on having that self control this summer
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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