Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
