Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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