Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
