hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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