his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
